For those who may not know, I am going thru a very dark time in my life. I'm not questioning God, per se, but I am questioning what He's doing in my life. Unemployed and unable to get ahead, I find myself wondering where He is and what the H E double hockey sticks He's doing in my life and if this is life in Him, why did I bother?
During one of those tearful moments, I heard a song on the radio that was so powerful that I had to immediately call my mom and read her the lyrics. It is one of those songs that, every time I hear it, brings tears to my eyes.
I've never been accused of being a crier, but as of lately, I can't think of anything else I am. I'm scared. I'm alone. I'm anxious.
But, the song that is helping me, in a very inexplicable way is BLESSINGS by Laura Story.
One of the lines that gets me in tears (because it's applying to me!) is:
And what if a thousand sleepless nights
Are what it takes to know You’re near
I don't remember the last time I had a good night's sleep without tears preceeding it. There are moments when I think God is tired of my tears. I know that's not truth, but there are times it feels like it.
I've posted the lyrics to this lovely song. I wish I could post the song. Look it up on YouTube.
Even now, as I write this, I'm listening to the song and tears are forming. I only hope that God is listening to me and hasn't forgotten me.
"Blessings"
Laura Story
We pray for blessings
We pray for peace
Comfort for family, protection while we sleep
We pray for healing, for prosperity
We pray for Your mighty hand to ease our suffering
All the while, You hear each spoken need
Yet love us way too much to give us lesser things
Cause what if Your blessings come through raindrops
What if Your healing comes through tears
What if a thousand sleepless nights
Are what it takes to know You’re near
What if trials of this life are Your mercies in disguise
We pray for wisdom
Your voice to hear
And we cry in anger when we cannot feel You near
We doubt Your goodness, we doubt Your love
As if every promise from Your Word is not enough
All the while, You hear each desperate plea
And long that we'd have faith to believe
Cause what if Your blessings come through raindrops
What if Your healing comes through tears
What if a thousand sleepless nights
Are what it takes to know You’re near
And what if trials of this life are Your mercies in disguise
When friends betray us
When darkness seems to win
We know the pain reminds this heart
That this is not, this is not our home
Cause what if Your blessings come through raindrops
What if Your healing comes through tears
And what if a thousand sleepless nights
Are what it takes to know You’re near
What if my greatest disappointments
Or the aching of this life
Is the revealing of a greater thirst this world can’t satisfy
And what if trials of this life
The rain, the storms, the hardest nights
Are Your mercies in disguise
