As a child, one of my favorite things to do was to play in the mud, much to my mother's dismay. There was something about the mud and getting dirty that I loved. Mud got everywhere. In my hair. Under my nails. On my clothes. So, I was only allowed to play in the mud in clothes that were not my best. Only natural.
As I grew older, I found that I still love to play in the mud. When I was 16, playing football on a rainy day, in the mud, with the boys, was a lot of fun. I can confidently say, I've never been the overtly feminine type.
Now, as a woman pushing 40, I still love to play in the mud.
So, it was of no surprise to anyone who knows me well that when the pastor of our church talked about getting muddy and having a kiddie pool of mud on the stage, and his asking for people to come up, that I went.
Of course, there is this child in me that is all excited. I get to play in the mud, in church.
But, there was a point to it.
As Christians, we tend to forget that we used to play in the mud. Our lives aren't as nearly perfect as we tend to think they are. We struggle with addictions and lack of faith and various other imperfections. But, yet, we are not willing to get into the mud and play.
The only way to win people to Christ is to do what He did: Meet them where they're at. Play in the mud. Get dirty with them, while all the while keeping our eyes focused on God.
Christ met me in my mud puddle. He met you in your mud puddle. He'll meet everyone in their mud puddle. But, as His children and disciples, we need to get muddy and meet those, both lost and found, in the mud puddle of their life.
And, like how my feet got a small "spa treatment" and felt soft after being in the mud yesterday, we will get dirty, but we'll also get something unexpected from being in the mud with someone else.
I don't know about you, but I'm ready to get in the mud.
20 December 2010
16 December 2010
Don't Forget Us!
I'm one of the "forgotten" in the church. I know it's hard to imagine anyone be a "forgotten" person in the church is a hard concept for most of us to grasp. But, unfortunately, it's true. In our 2 for 1 society, including the church, those of us that are just 1 tend to be pushed aside. It's not always intentional. Sometimes, people don't realize that they're doing that.
I know that I may be sounding sensitive, but trust me, I'm not, even though it is a bit of a sticky subject.
I tried several years ago to get a Singles Ministry started in our church. There was NO age limit, yet there weren't a lot of people over the age of 35. And it was pretty much just women. Oh, and one man.
Not complaining. At least they showed up.
But, as I contemplated possibly trying to start it again, I keep coming back to the idea that people think that a Singles Ministry is about finding your life partner; your husband or your wife. No one really thinks of the ministry part of it.
There are voids in a single's life that are hard to fill. I crawl into a cold bed every night, cuddling only with my cats at my feet. I come home to an empty home, filled only with the intermittent meows of my cats. I talk to my walls since I really have no one else to talk to when I need to cry or talk or to figure something out.
There is a need there in my life; imagine what needs are there in others lives.
A Singles Ministry should focus on the ministry part and not on the "find your partner" part. If it happens that someone finds love in a Singles Ministry, then God was working to bring them together, as long as they are both seeking Him and His Heart.
But, it's not a "meat market". It's where I should be able to go to talk about being single and how God is moving in my life that someone who's married may not understand. A Singles Ministry should be a place where it's OK for someone to be single.
I was a part of one where the original leaders were mid to late thirties and they had only been married a year. It gave me hope that, as long as I follow God and seek Him, if there is someone for me, I'll find him, as long as he's a Godly man.
This couple was called to be missionaries in England for 3 years. Of course, they went. They felt the call there. But, in their stead, a couple who had been married since she was 18 and he was 21. How could they understand what I was feeling?
There are feelings that a single person in their mid to late thirties feels that someone who hasn't walked on that road won't understand.
There are times that, as I approach 40, I question God and if He ever intended for me to find love. I even began to believe the lies that I am unloveable. How can someone married for over 30 years possibly begin to understand that there are those questions?
Some people cope with their single life very well and I am envious of those people. They may have had their questions or they felt from a very early point in life that they were not to be married.
Me? I knew from when I was a little girl, I wanted to be a wife and a mother. It's not happening.
So, what do I do? I blog about it. haha
Seriously, I question God. I put some blame (in fact, 99% of the blame falls on me) on myself and my inability to let people in close and to trust. But, as I find myself opening up to others and to God, the ever elusive Godly man evades me. I even had others ask what's wrong with me.
Is it all really me? Or can any of the blame, of the "what's wrong with..." fall on the men too? Why is it that as I woman, being single is a sin, but for men, being single is being "Godly".
It may not be that way in every church, for every one, but it's been my experience.
I'm sure I'm not the only one.
So, if in your church you come across someone who's single, don't talk to them like they have some sort of disease. They're not going to infect you with some sort of "singleton bug" that makes you suddenly ill or whatever.
They're just single. For whatever reason. Widowed. Divorced. Called to be. Just can't find the love. Feels unworthy of love. Has a career. Has trust issues. Doesn't know how to love. Just doesn't want to be married.
You don't know just by looking at a single person why they're single. Until you get to know them, it may not be wise to ask. You may come across as trying to "fix" their singleness. But, don't judge them because they're not in a marriage like you.
Sometimes, the happiest people are the single people. ;)
Just look around your church. There may be a need for a Singles Ministry that focuses on the Ministry.
I know that I may be sounding sensitive, but trust me, I'm not, even though it is a bit of a sticky subject.
I tried several years ago to get a Singles Ministry started in our church. There was NO age limit, yet there weren't a lot of people over the age of 35. And it was pretty much just women. Oh, and one man.
Not complaining. At least they showed up.
But, as I contemplated possibly trying to start it again, I keep coming back to the idea that people think that a Singles Ministry is about finding your life partner; your husband or your wife. No one really thinks of the ministry part of it.
There are voids in a single's life that are hard to fill. I crawl into a cold bed every night, cuddling only with my cats at my feet. I come home to an empty home, filled only with the intermittent meows of my cats. I talk to my walls since I really have no one else to talk to when I need to cry or talk or to figure something out.
There is a need there in my life; imagine what needs are there in others lives.
A Singles Ministry should focus on the ministry part and not on the "find your partner" part. If it happens that someone finds love in a Singles Ministry, then God was working to bring them together, as long as they are both seeking Him and His Heart.
But, it's not a "meat market". It's where I should be able to go to talk about being single and how God is moving in my life that someone who's married may not understand. A Singles Ministry should be a place where it's OK for someone to be single.
I was a part of one where the original leaders were mid to late thirties and they had only been married a year. It gave me hope that, as long as I follow God and seek Him, if there is someone for me, I'll find him, as long as he's a Godly man.
This couple was called to be missionaries in England for 3 years. Of course, they went. They felt the call there. But, in their stead, a couple who had been married since she was 18 and he was 21. How could they understand what I was feeling?
There are feelings that a single person in their mid to late thirties feels that someone who hasn't walked on that road won't understand.
There are times that, as I approach 40, I question God and if He ever intended for me to find love. I even began to believe the lies that I am unloveable. How can someone married for over 30 years possibly begin to understand that there are those questions?
Some people cope with their single life very well and I am envious of those people. They may have had their questions or they felt from a very early point in life that they were not to be married.
Me? I knew from when I was a little girl, I wanted to be a wife and a mother. It's not happening.
So, what do I do? I blog about it. haha
Seriously, I question God. I put some blame (in fact, 99% of the blame falls on me) on myself and my inability to let people in close and to trust. But, as I find myself opening up to others and to God, the ever elusive Godly man evades me. I even had others ask what's wrong with me.
Is it all really me? Or can any of the blame, of the "what's wrong with..." fall on the men too? Why is it that as I woman, being single is a sin, but for men, being single is being "Godly".
It may not be that way in every church, for every one, but it's been my experience.
I'm sure I'm not the only one.
So, if in your church you come across someone who's single, don't talk to them like they have some sort of disease. They're not going to infect you with some sort of "singleton bug" that makes you suddenly ill or whatever.
They're just single. For whatever reason. Widowed. Divorced. Called to be. Just can't find the love. Feels unworthy of love. Has a career. Has trust issues. Doesn't know how to love. Just doesn't want to be married.
You don't know just by looking at a single person why they're single. Until you get to know them, it may not be wise to ask. You may come across as trying to "fix" their singleness. But, don't judge them because they're not in a marriage like you.
Sometimes, the happiest people are the single people. ;)
Just look around your church. There may be a need for a Singles Ministry that focuses on the Ministry.
14 December 2010
More Of My Cats and the Lessons They Teach
So, I got to thinking yesterday of some more lessons my cats teach me about our relationship with God. Can't guarantee this will be a long entry, but it might do.
My littlest cat, Iyanka, is a strange one. I love her to pieces and she is a lover, but she's strange.
When she and her brothers were barely six weeks old, I removed them from an abusive and neglectful home. Momma Cat was so dehydrated that she couldn't produce enough milk to feed all her kittens and of the 8 kitties in her litter, only 3 survived and I have those 3. The runt was among them.
So, Iyanka suckles. I found this out a few years ago when I heard this strange noise on my ear. She apparently had found my earlobe and thought it was going to give her milk, so away she went, waking me up.
I quickly laughed and headed her in the direction of my fleece blankets. She suckles on those now. It's disgusting, if I'm honest, when I pull one up and I feel the wet where Iyanka had suckled.
Every now and again, she'll paw at me while I'm in bed, indicating she wants her "suckie bankie", and so, I turn down the comforter and away she goes.
But, every once in a while, she doesn't want her "suckie bankie". She just wants to be snuggled close to me.
As she pawed to be let under the covers last night, I thought of how much we can be like this with God.
We let Him know what we want and sometimes, He gives in. It may not always be to our benefit, unlike Iyanka's "suckie bankie". Other times, we "paw" at Him because we want to be close to Him. And, like Iyanka, sometimes we stay content at His Side and other times we snuggle for an extremely short period of time before we run away.
The Bible says if we ask the animals, they'll teach us about God. (I'm paraphrasing, I know.) But, they can also teach us a lot about ourselves if we're willing to ask them and to see what we're really like.
My littlest cat, Iyanka, is a strange one. I love her to pieces and she is a lover, but she's strange.
When she and her brothers were barely six weeks old, I removed them from an abusive and neglectful home. Momma Cat was so dehydrated that she couldn't produce enough milk to feed all her kittens and of the 8 kitties in her litter, only 3 survived and I have those 3. The runt was among them.
So, Iyanka suckles. I found this out a few years ago when I heard this strange noise on my ear. She apparently had found my earlobe and thought it was going to give her milk, so away she went, waking me up.
I quickly laughed and headed her in the direction of my fleece blankets. She suckles on those now. It's disgusting, if I'm honest, when I pull one up and I feel the wet where Iyanka had suckled.
Every now and again, she'll paw at me while I'm in bed, indicating she wants her "suckie bankie", and so, I turn down the comforter and away she goes.
But, every once in a while, she doesn't want her "suckie bankie". She just wants to be snuggled close to me.
As she pawed to be let under the covers last night, I thought of how much we can be like this with God.
We let Him know what we want and sometimes, He gives in. It may not always be to our benefit, unlike Iyanka's "suckie bankie". Other times, we "paw" at Him because we want to be close to Him. And, like Iyanka, sometimes we stay content at His Side and other times we snuggle for an extremely short period of time before we run away.
The Bible says if we ask the animals, they'll teach us about God. (I'm paraphrasing, I know.) But, they can also teach us a lot about ourselves if we're willing to ask them and to see what we're really like.
13 December 2010
Everything I Learned About God, I Learned From My Cats
My cats are amazing creatures. If you doubt, ask them yourself. They'll tell you how utterly amzaing they are. I read a saying once that a few thousand years ago, cats were were worshipped as gods and they've never forgotten. I think my cats still think they're gods.
But, they are teachers to me. They are my children of a different species. Sometimes I think having cats as kids is superior than having actual kids. My "kids" don't throw tantrums in the store. They're not even allowed in stores. They never say that they hate me or disown me. When I'm in a bad mood, they snuggle close to make me feel better.
Just recently, I ran out of money and couldn't afford to get them the dry food they are so used to. I only had enough to buy them canned food. It's good for them and I know they love it, but they were frustrated with having to eat just twice a day when they were used to eating whenever they wanted.
I tried to explain to them that I know they don't understand, but I know what's going on and it'll all be okay. They meowed as though they could really understand and then they proceded to let me know just how hungry they were by snacking on the garbage sack.
Last night, as I snuggled with my littlest girl, I was praying. As she scrambled away from the warmth and safety of my arms, I was struck with something.
I am the cat and God is my owner.
Often times, I complain to Him that I'm "hungry". After all, I've gotten used to "eating" whenever I wanted and suddenly that's gone. I complain and complain and He's so loving and gentle. He tells me that He knows I don't understand like He wishes I could but that He knows what's going on and to trust Him since everything will be okay.
There are so many lessons from God given to me via my cats. Maybe one day, I'll blog about each one for they are indeed lessons on the relationship that God and I share.
But, they are teachers to me. They are my children of a different species. Sometimes I think having cats as kids is superior than having actual kids. My "kids" don't throw tantrums in the store. They're not even allowed in stores. They never say that they hate me or disown me. When I'm in a bad mood, they snuggle close to make me feel better.
Just recently, I ran out of money and couldn't afford to get them the dry food they are so used to. I only had enough to buy them canned food. It's good for them and I know they love it, but they were frustrated with having to eat just twice a day when they were used to eating whenever they wanted.
I tried to explain to them that I know they don't understand, but I know what's going on and it'll all be okay. They meowed as though they could really understand and then they proceded to let me know just how hungry they were by snacking on the garbage sack.
Last night, as I snuggled with my littlest girl, I was praying. As she scrambled away from the warmth and safety of my arms, I was struck with something.
I am the cat and God is my owner.
Often times, I complain to Him that I'm "hungry". After all, I've gotten used to "eating" whenever I wanted and suddenly that's gone. I complain and complain and He's so loving and gentle. He tells me that He knows I don't understand like He wishes I could but that He knows what's going on and to trust Him since everything will be okay.
There are so many lessons from God given to me via my cats. Maybe one day, I'll blog about each one for they are indeed lessons on the relationship that God and I share.
06 December 2010
Forgiveness
One of the hardest things that we as humans can do is to forgive. Forgive others. Forgive ourselves. It's so much easier sometimes to forgive those that have wronged us than it is for us to forgive ourselves.
I struggle with this. I can very easily forgive someone else, but me? Are you kidding? It'd be easier for me to get the Leaning Tower of Pisa straight.
But, we are not called to just forgive others. In order for us to forgive them, we must forgive ourselves.
And, in order for us to forgive ourselves, we must have God forgive us.
That's the easy part.
We can be assured that God forgives our sins when we ask in honesty. Otherwise, what's the point? If I ask God to forgive me for my *insert any sin you want here* and continue to do so, relying on the Mercy of God, what forgiveness have I really recieved?
But, when we truly and honestly ask for forgiveness and do our best to not do it again, God does so. God expects that we will fall. I know that I have had to ask for forgiveness in an area that I still maintain a struggle with and continually ask for His Help in me overcoming it. He is gracious and, though I fall, forgives me and helps me as needed.
So, am I forgiven? Without a doubt as far as God's concerned. He does what most of us can not. Not only does He forgive, but He FORGETS! Sure, we will have to be accountable for our trangressions when we are standing in front of Him at the Bema Seat, but all Christ needs to do (or so I believe) is remind us that it was covered by His Blood when He died for us.
So, what does all this mean?
Forgiveness is a tool sometimes used by Satan to trap us. "God didn't really forgive you. Come on. For that sin? That's one huge sin and there is no way you'll ever be truly forgiven. God's just being nice. He didn't really really forgive you."
We ALL fall prey to that one. I know I do. Maybe it's why we have such a hard time forgiving ourselves. Forgiveness - TRUE FORGIVENESS - is hard for humans. We can not concieve what absolute forgiveness is.
Psalms 103:12 tells us this: "For He has removed our sins as far from us as the East is from the West."
Come again? For as FAR as the East is from the West. Think about that. That is an infinate line.
So we can't even begin to fathom that.
Yet, it seems as though our sins, and forgiveness from, are on some sort of bungee cord that Satan pulls back.
He is a tricky one. He knows where to get us. With a lot of us, it's with true forgiveness. It is that with me.
But, here's the thing: As I work with God on learning how to forgive myself, I remind Satan that I have already been forgiven for it and if he wants to question my forgiveness, he can take it up the the Forgiver Himself.
And, I'm sure God will say something like "Lucifer, I have not a clue as to what sin you speak of. She is covered by the Blood of My Son and I have forgiven her."
At least I hope that's what He'd say.
Now...all I need to do is continue to seek Him and His Help on actually forgiving myself of my own failures.
author's note: Psalms 103 is a great chapter to read. There are some verses that can be used to counterbalance Satan's attacks. Verses 8 - 11 say this:
8 The Lord is compassionate and merciful, slow to get angry and filled with unfailing love 9 He will not constantly accuse us, nor remain angry forever. 10 He does not punish us for all our sins; He does not deal harshly with us, as we deserve. 11 for His Unfailing Love toward those who fear him is as great as the height of the heavens above the earth."
I struggle with this. I can very easily forgive someone else, but me? Are you kidding? It'd be easier for me to get the Leaning Tower of Pisa straight.
But, we are not called to just forgive others. In order for us to forgive them, we must forgive ourselves.
And, in order for us to forgive ourselves, we must have God forgive us.
That's the easy part.
We can be assured that God forgives our sins when we ask in honesty. Otherwise, what's the point? If I ask God to forgive me for my *insert any sin you want here* and continue to do so, relying on the Mercy of God, what forgiveness have I really recieved?
But, when we truly and honestly ask for forgiveness and do our best to not do it again, God does so. God expects that we will fall. I know that I have had to ask for forgiveness in an area that I still maintain a struggle with and continually ask for His Help in me overcoming it. He is gracious and, though I fall, forgives me and helps me as needed.
So, am I forgiven? Without a doubt as far as God's concerned. He does what most of us can not. Not only does He forgive, but He FORGETS! Sure, we will have to be accountable for our trangressions when we are standing in front of Him at the Bema Seat, but all Christ needs to do (or so I believe) is remind us that it was covered by His Blood when He died for us.
So, what does all this mean?
Forgiveness is a tool sometimes used by Satan to trap us. "God didn't really forgive you. Come on. For that sin? That's one huge sin and there is no way you'll ever be truly forgiven. God's just being nice. He didn't really really forgive you."
We ALL fall prey to that one. I know I do. Maybe it's why we have such a hard time forgiving ourselves. Forgiveness - TRUE FORGIVENESS - is hard for humans. We can not concieve what absolute forgiveness is.
Psalms 103:12 tells us this: "For He has removed our sins as far from us as the East is from the West."
Come again? For as FAR as the East is from the West. Think about that. That is an infinate line.
So we can't even begin to fathom that.
Yet, it seems as though our sins, and forgiveness from, are on some sort of bungee cord that Satan pulls back.
He is a tricky one. He knows where to get us. With a lot of us, it's with true forgiveness. It is that with me.
But, here's the thing: As I work with God on learning how to forgive myself, I remind Satan that I have already been forgiven for it and if he wants to question my forgiveness, he can take it up the the Forgiver Himself.
And, I'm sure God will say something like "Lucifer, I have not a clue as to what sin you speak of. She is covered by the Blood of My Son and I have forgiven her."
At least I hope that's what He'd say.
Now...all I need to do is continue to seek Him and His Help on actually forgiving myself of my own failures.
author's note: Psalms 103 is a great chapter to read. There are some verses that can be used to counterbalance Satan's attacks. Verses 8 - 11 say this:
8 The Lord is compassionate and merciful, slow to get angry and filled with unfailing love 9 He will not constantly accuse us, nor remain angry forever. 10 He does not punish us for all our sins; He does not deal harshly with us, as we deserve. 11 for His Unfailing Love toward those who fear him is as great as the height of the heavens above the earth."
03 December 2010
Get Real
There are times that we put up that facade that we're okay. I know I've done it. We all have. That being said, what happens when we let that facade down and get real?
Pain. Shame. Guilt. Inability to forgive.
But, is that what it really is? Maybe to a point, but the point of getting real is to let ourselves see who we really are.
And, if we're lucky, we'll have friends and family that will let us get real with them. And they'll be real with us.
Not everyone has that support system. If you don't, try and find people you trust. I know that takes time and effort, but if you can find people that you can be open and honest and real with, then you will find people not only worth knowing, but people who will love you regardless.
I know that some people won't love others if they show themselves honestly and realistically. But there are those that will and the ones that will are the ones we need in our lives.
So, find someone you love and trust and whose judgment you don't fear (for if they truly love you they won't judge, but they will be open and honest with you as well) and open up. Be honest. Be real.
It is only in reality that we find ourselves.
So...GET REAL!
Pain. Shame. Guilt. Inability to forgive.
But, is that what it really is? Maybe to a point, but the point of getting real is to let ourselves see who we really are.
And, if we're lucky, we'll have friends and family that will let us get real with them. And they'll be real with us.
Not everyone has that support system. If you don't, try and find people you trust. I know that takes time and effort, but if you can find people that you can be open and honest and real with, then you will find people not only worth knowing, but people who will love you regardless.
I know that some people won't love others if they show themselves honestly and realistically. But there are those that will and the ones that will are the ones we need in our lives.
So, find someone you love and trust and whose judgment you don't fear (for if they truly love you they won't judge, but they will be open and honest with you as well) and open up. Be honest. Be real.
It is only in reality that we find ourselves.
So...GET REAL!
16 September 2010
An Update
I have left this journal, this blog, untouched for some time and I will take some time to hopefully explain why I have.
As I have stated, this journal was established as a place for me to post how God is moving in my life and the lessons I have learned from Him.
One thing that is a misconception of Christians is that we never suffer from questioning or trials. This is far from the truth. If anything, we are bombarded. The difference is that we have Christ to help us.
There have been times these past couple of months that my faith has suffered. Being unemployed and trying to figure out where the money to pay the bills is going to come from, plus moving, plus trying to repay an overpayment, I have questioned.
What type of God are You to do this to me and why do I serve You?
It is then answered to me when I read Jeremiah 29: 11 (NIV), which states, very simply this:
For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.
How comforting! I know that, while He hasn't planned where I'm at in my life, He is going to take this lump of coal and make a diamond. Yes, it will take time and struggle. I will have more times where I may ask God why. And He will answer me the way He did when Job struggled and questioned, according to Job 38:2 - 4 (NIV):
2 Who is this that darkens my counsel with words without knowledge? 3 Brace yourself like a man; I will question you and you shall answer me. 4 Where were you when I laid the earth's foundation? Tell me if you understand.
I don't understand and I wasn't there. God expects us to question. The real question is are we ready for the answer?
As I have stated, this journal was established as a place for me to post how God is moving in my life and the lessons I have learned from Him.
One thing that is a misconception of Christians is that we never suffer from questioning or trials. This is far from the truth. If anything, we are bombarded. The difference is that we have Christ to help us.
There have been times these past couple of months that my faith has suffered. Being unemployed and trying to figure out where the money to pay the bills is going to come from, plus moving, plus trying to repay an overpayment, I have questioned.
What type of God are You to do this to me and why do I serve You?
It is then answered to me when I read Jeremiah 29: 11 (NIV), which states, very simply this:
For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.
How comforting! I know that, while He hasn't planned where I'm at in my life, He is going to take this lump of coal and make a diamond. Yes, it will take time and struggle. I will have more times where I may ask God why. And He will answer me the way He did when Job struggled and questioned, according to Job 38:2 - 4 (NIV):
2 Who is this that darkens my counsel with words without knowledge? 3 Brace yourself like a man; I will question you and you shall answer me. 4 Where were you when I laid the earth's foundation? Tell me if you understand.
I don't understand and I wasn't there. God expects us to question. The real question is are we ready for the answer?
20 June 2010
A Different Entry
So, I have neglected this journal for a couple or so weeks. Not much really to write about.
This journal started off as a way to talk about the way that God is moving in my life. He continues to move in my life. He is never as far away as we sometimes thinks He is.
Today was a tough day. Eleven years ago, I lost my daddy to colon cancer. I wasn't going to go to church, but decided it would be the best way to honour him. I cried a few times. One time was rather embarrassing. I had to actually get up and leave. The lady who came out and helped? I forgot her name. How embarrassing is that!
It has been a difficult day, but I've managed thru it.
This is short, but I had to write it.
This journal started off as a way to talk about the way that God is moving in my life. He continues to move in my life. He is never as far away as we sometimes thinks He is.
Today was a tough day. Eleven years ago, I lost my daddy to colon cancer. I wasn't going to go to church, but decided it would be the best way to honour him. I cried a few times. One time was rather embarrassing. I had to actually get up and leave. The lady who came out and helped? I forgot her name. How embarrassing is that!
It has been a difficult day, but I've managed thru it.
This is short, but I had to write it.
01 June 2010
An Exciting Life
So, I was leaving church on Sunday and sometimes I tend to think on my drive home. It's not a long drive, but it's long enough for me to think and to talk to God about what is going on in my life (or what isn't).
So, on Sunday, the sermon was about leadership skills that would be needed in the leadership role we are trying to fill at our church.
I'm not sure how my mind works at time, but what was said in the sermon got me thinking about my life.
I don't lead the most exciting life. At least as some people see it. I don't go out and party every night or week end. I don't use drugs. I don't have sex. I don't drink. I don't do the things that some people think make for an exciting life.
Nope. I'm a dull person, really.
I prefer staying home or doing some clean fun, like watching a movie or television. I enjoy spending time on my computer. I enjoy spending time with my cats and my best friend. A good time to me consists of my best friend coming over and watching CRIMINAL MINDS with me.
But, my life is exciting!
Every morning, I wake up excited about what blessings God is going to bestow upon me for that day!
It's exciting to think that what I'm going thru is going to bless someone else!
I may not have the so called excitement of others, but I have an exciting life nonetheless!
So, on Sunday, the sermon was about leadership skills that would be needed in the leadership role we are trying to fill at our church.
I'm not sure how my mind works at time, but what was said in the sermon got me thinking about my life.
I don't lead the most exciting life. At least as some people see it. I don't go out and party every night or week end. I don't use drugs. I don't have sex. I don't drink. I don't do the things that some people think make for an exciting life.
Nope. I'm a dull person, really.
I prefer staying home or doing some clean fun, like watching a movie or television. I enjoy spending time on my computer. I enjoy spending time with my cats and my best friend. A good time to me consists of my best friend coming over and watching CRIMINAL MINDS with me.
But, my life is exciting!
Every morning, I wake up excited about what blessings God is going to bestow upon me for that day!
It's exciting to think that what I'm going thru is going to bless someone else!
I may not have the so called excitement of others, but I have an exciting life nonetheless!
25 May 2010
Unconditional?
We hear a lot about "unconditional love", but what is it? Simple. It's love without conditions.
We humans are very conditional with our love. We love people only if they fit into what conditions we set forth.
We often say that "I'll love you only if you fit into this mold that I have made just for you."
What would we humans do if God said that to us? If God said "I'll love you only if you fit into this mold I have made for you."
God loves us unconditionally. While He doesn't always agree with choices we make, He still loves us regardless.
I know that, in comparasion to some of my other entries, that this one is short. But, I'm so tired of people saying that they love others without condition and yet they put conditions on the love they set out for others.
Even though I tend to love without condition, I know that there are times that I put conditions to certain people when it comes to loving them. We all do.
But, don't we think that we should love with know conditions, no boundaries, like God?
We humans are very conditional with our love. We love people only if they fit into what conditions we set forth.
We often say that "I'll love you only if you fit into this mold that I have made just for you."
What would we humans do if God said that to us? If God said "I'll love you only if you fit into this mold I have made for you."
God loves us unconditionally. While He doesn't always agree with choices we make, He still loves us regardless.
I know that, in comparasion to some of my other entries, that this one is short. But, I'm so tired of people saying that they love others without condition and yet they put conditions on the love they set out for others.
Even though I tend to love without condition, I know that there are times that I put conditions to certain people when it comes to loving them. We all do.
But, don't we think that we should love with know conditions, no boundaries, like God?
23 May 2010
Because He Lives
I had to head to the church to get four glasses that I had accidently left at there after yesterday's tea party. I'm a little low on gas, due to tea party errands that HAD to be run so my table would be beautiful (based on the theme of BEAU - TEA).
I didn't go to church this morning because my aunt had spent the weekend with me and, even though we were planning on going, she didn't feel so well and I chose not to go, but I still had to go pick up the glasses.
If you have read my blog so far, you'll know that I'm not in the brightest of places. I'm in a dark scary spot and sometimes find myself wondering where God is, even though I know He's right here, right next to me.
So, anyhow, I have our local Christian radio station on and they're playing some of the hymns that I grew up on and I find myself singing. Just be thankful that you didn't hear it. I sometimes wonder if I'm singing from my heart how God can make it beautiful when you have a singing voice like mine. I make even the worst of the worst singers on "American Idol" sound good.
Admist the "How Great Thou Art"s and the "Blessed Be The Name Of The Lord"s was "Because He Lives".
As I sang along, I felt tears form.
Because He lives, I can face tomorrow.
Because He lives, All fear is gone.
Because I know He holds the future,
And life is worth the living just because He lives.
How beautiful! What wonderful beautiful words!
To be able to face the fears of an uncertain future because Christ died and rose from the grave!
There is no way I can go thru what I am if I didn't have Christ.
And, no matter what is thrown my way, I'll hold onto the comfort that I know He holds the future and He only has my best interest at His Heart!
I didn't go to church this morning because my aunt had spent the weekend with me and, even though we were planning on going, she didn't feel so well and I chose not to go, but I still had to go pick up the glasses.
If you have read my blog so far, you'll know that I'm not in the brightest of places. I'm in a dark scary spot and sometimes find myself wondering where God is, even though I know He's right here, right next to me.
So, anyhow, I have our local Christian radio station on and they're playing some of the hymns that I grew up on and I find myself singing. Just be thankful that you didn't hear it. I sometimes wonder if I'm singing from my heart how God can make it beautiful when you have a singing voice like mine. I make even the worst of the worst singers on "American Idol" sound good.
Admist the "How Great Thou Art"s and the "Blessed Be The Name Of The Lord"s was "Because He Lives".
As I sang along, I felt tears form.
Because He lives, I can face tomorrow.
Because He lives, All fear is gone.
Because I know He holds the future,
And life is worth the living just because He lives.
How beautiful! What wonderful beautiful words!
To be able to face the fears of an uncertain future because Christ died and rose from the grave!
There is no way I can go thru what I am if I didn't have Christ.
And, no matter what is thrown my way, I'll hold onto the comfort that I know He holds the future and He only has my best interest at His Heart!
21 May 2010
Why So Unexcited?
I was speaking with a very dear friend today. During our conversation, it turned to our excitement of what lies in Heaven for us when we finally make it home. I was in tears, excited over being in the presence of God, my Heavenly Father and Creator. To be with the One who loved me so muh that He sent Christ to die on MY BEHALF!
I am excited to see those that have gone before. I have this belief that we will know everyone when we get there. I am excited to think that Stephen and Samuel, Peter and Paul, Elijah and Elisha will run up to me and pull me into a hug, saying "We've been waiting for you! Welcome home!"
How come Christians aren't excited like that? Why? Isn't the thought of being with God for all eternity exciting?
Do we have something more exciting in life than that?
If so, what could it be? What do we have in life that is more important and more exciting than spending eternity with God?
I don't have anything that is so much more exciting in life.
Think about it.
A short life here with excitements that last a moment or an eternity with God?
I choose the excitement of an eternity with God.
I am excited to see those that have gone before. I have this belief that we will know everyone when we get there. I am excited to think that Stephen and Samuel, Peter and Paul, Elijah and Elisha will run up to me and pull me into a hug, saying "We've been waiting for you! Welcome home!"
How come Christians aren't excited like that? Why? Isn't the thought of being with God for all eternity exciting?
Do we have something more exciting in life than that?
If so, what could it be? What do we have in life that is more important and more exciting than spending eternity with God?
I don't have anything that is so much more exciting in life.
Think about it.
A short life here with excitements that last a moment or an eternity with God?
I choose the excitement of an eternity with God.
18 May 2010
Spiritual Warfare Or Real Life Pain
So, I'm sitting here, in my living room, listening to NeedToBreathe's LAY 'EM DOWN...another song quickly rising to the top of my favorite songs list. The song has the old time feel to it. Kind of like the song in O Brother, Where Art There when the one guy gets baptized.
While I love the song, I have issue with this lyric:
Make good on a promise To never hurt again
Let me explain why.
It makes it sound like that, when you give your life to Christ, you'll never again hurt. The exact opposite is true. Sometimes I feel like I hurt more because of my relationship with Christ. It is because there is a war going on for my soul.
The author of Ephesians tells us this in chapter 6, verse 12:
For we wrestle not against flesh and blood, but against principalities, against powers, against the rulers of the darkness of this world, against spiritual wickedness in high places.
I figure that if I'm hurting, it's because my soul is being fought over.
God doesn't promise that we'll stop hurting when we give our lives to Him. He only promises that He, and He alone, will fix what is hurting us.
In war, whether spiritual or physical, there is bound to be hurt. Someone, including ourself, will get hurt. I've been hurt more emotionally and mentally since I chose to walk with Christ.
The difference is that I can turn to Him to make me "all better".
We will hurt even as Christians. We will look at the unfairness of the world and wonder why we must suffer while the wicked succeed. We will find oursleves in situations that we wouldn't wish on our worst enemy.
Job lost everything. Paul and Silas were imprisoned. Christ Himself was crucified.
We are given the promise that God will heal our hurts.
But, we are also given this promise in Luke 10:19
Behold, I give unto you the power to tread on serpents and scorpions, and over all the power of the enemy; and nothing shall by any means hurt you.
Luke isn't talking about literallly walking on serpents or scorpions. It was a metaphor for demons. We have the power in Christ to overcome with Him on our side. We will, as long as we live, suffer physical and emotional pain. However, we can take joy in the fact that comfort is given to us thru Christ. He hurts when we do.
He feels our every pain: emotional, physical, mental, and spiritual.
However, our hurt and pain is covered by His Blood.
So, He will take our hurt and comfort us when we need Him most.
And so maybe we won't really hurt after all.
While I love the song, I have issue with this lyric:
Make good on a promise To never hurt again
Let me explain why.
It makes it sound like that, when you give your life to Christ, you'll never again hurt. The exact opposite is true. Sometimes I feel like I hurt more because of my relationship with Christ. It is because there is a war going on for my soul.
The author of Ephesians tells us this in chapter 6, verse 12:
For we wrestle not against flesh and blood, but against principalities, against powers, against the rulers of the darkness of this world, against spiritual wickedness in high places.
I figure that if I'm hurting, it's because my soul is being fought over.
God doesn't promise that we'll stop hurting when we give our lives to Him. He only promises that He, and He alone, will fix what is hurting us.
In war, whether spiritual or physical, there is bound to be hurt. Someone, including ourself, will get hurt. I've been hurt more emotionally and mentally since I chose to walk with Christ.
The difference is that I can turn to Him to make me "all better".
We will hurt even as Christians. We will look at the unfairness of the world and wonder why we must suffer while the wicked succeed. We will find oursleves in situations that we wouldn't wish on our worst enemy.
Job lost everything. Paul and Silas were imprisoned. Christ Himself was crucified.
We are given the promise that God will heal our hurts.
But, we are also given this promise in Luke 10:19
Behold, I give unto you the power to tread on serpents and scorpions, and over all the power of the enemy; and nothing shall by any means hurt you.
Luke isn't talking about literallly walking on serpents or scorpions. It was a metaphor for demons. We have the power in Christ to overcome with Him on our side. We will, as long as we live, suffer physical and emotional pain. However, we can take joy in the fact that comfort is given to us thru Christ. He hurts when we do.
He feels our every pain: emotional, physical, mental, and spiritual.
However, our hurt and pain is covered by His Blood.
So, He will take our hurt and comfort us when we need Him most.
And so maybe we won't really hurt after all.
Abraham, Peter and the Lesson of Faith
Yesterday, I posted Jeremy Camp's WALK BY FAITH lyrics. I find myself listening to that song again since it has quickly risen to the top of my favorite songs list.
But, as I listen to it, he says This broken road prepares Your Will for me. How many of us that are following or seeking Christ understand that? I know that I don't. More than anyone in my life, I don't understand how this life I've been living...this broken road I've been travelling...is preparing God's Will for my life.
I'm then reminded of Abraham.
God promised Abraham that his descendants would outnumber the stars. Being in his later years and childless, Abraham wondered how. Sarah scoffed. Then, she gave birth to Issac.
Imagine being in your 70s or 80s and giving birth for the first time!
If you read your Bible, you know that as Issac grew up, God put Abraham to the test. He called Abraham to sacrafice not just his only son, but his ONLY CHILD. I'm sure that Abraham had some rounds with God on this one. The Bible certainly doesn't record them.
I sort of imagining it going something like this:
"God...You promised! You told me that my descendants would outnumber the stars and this!? You can't...I won't. I'm going to hold You to Your Promise. I can't do this."
"Do you trust Me, Abraham?"
"Yes, Lord, but this? I can't..."
"Do you trust Me, Abraham?"
"Lord, I just said I did. But what You're asking...Lord, Issac is my only son and how can I have more at my age. Certainly, he wasn't expected. He is Your blessing to me and Sarah and I just can't let him go."
"Do you trust Me, Abraham?"
"How many times are You going to ask and I give same reply?"
"As many times as it takes for you to understand that I keep the promises I make. What I say will be done. I do not take this as lightly as you may seem to think that I do. Where I have paved the way, you will go. Now, do you trust Me, Abraham?"
"Yes, Lord. I trust You."
For those of us who know that story, knows that Abraham went to the mountain to sacrafice Issac. And, in God's very own deliberate Way, a ram was provided at the LAST SECOND. Abraham had the knife raised to pierce his beloved son's heart when the bleating of a ram caught in the thorn bushes stopped him.
Abraham walked by faith. He questioned, but he still walked in his faith in God.
Walking by faith means not seeing where we are going. If we saw where we were going, we aren't walking by faith, are we? It is so easy to be afraid of the unknown. Especially where our lives are concerned.
Peter stepped out of the boat and walked on the water in the middle of a storm as he walked towards Jesus. There were waves all around him. Talk about faith! To step out of a boat to walk on the water! Peter didn't think about it...until he saw the waves.
We find this in Matthew 14:28 - 31
And Peter answered him and said, "Lord, if it be thou, bid me come unto thee on the water."
And he said, "Come."
And when Peter was come down out of the ship, he walked on the water, to go to Jesus. But when he saw the wind boisterous, he was afraid; and beginning to sink, he cried, saying, "Lord, save me."
And immediately Jesus stretched forth his hand, and caught him, and said unto him, "O thou of little faith, wherefore didst thou doubt?"
Peter stepped out, in faith, to reach Jesus and then allowed the waves to overtake him. What lesson can we learn from this? Why is this passage in the bible? Not many of us will actually walk on water, in the middle of a storm, but we will be in our own personal storm and have to walk on "water" to reach Christ. We will have to walk in faith, like Peter. We will have to sacrafice something special and precious to us, like Abraham.
And, like Abraham and Peter, are we willing? And which one will we be most like?
But, as I listen to it, he says This broken road prepares Your Will for me. How many of us that are following or seeking Christ understand that? I know that I don't. More than anyone in my life, I don't understand how this life I've been living...this broken road I've been travelling...is preparing God's Will for my life.
I'm then reminded of Abraham.
God promised Abraham that his descendants would outnumber the stars. Being in his later years and childless, Abraham wondered how. Sarah scoffed. Then, she gave birth to Issac.
Imagine being in your 70s or 80s and giving birth for the first time!
If you read your Bible, you know that as Issac grew up, God put Abraham to the test. He called Abraham to sacrafice not just his only son, but his ONLY CHILD. I'm sure that Abraham had some rounds with God on this one. The Bible certainly doesn't record them.
I sort of imagining it going something like this:
"God...You promised! You told me that my descendants would outnumber the stars and this!? You can't...I won't. I'm going to hold You to Your Promise. I can't do this."
"Do you trust Me, Abraham?"
"Yes, Lord, but this? I can't..."
"Do you trust Me, Abraham?"
"Lord, I just said I did. But what You're asking...Lord, Issac is my only son and how can I have more at my age. Certainly, he wasn't expected. He is Your blessing to me and Sarah and I just can't let him go."
"Do you trust Me, Abraham?"
"How many times are You going to ask and I give same reply?"
"As many times as it takes for you to understand that I keep the promises I make. What I say will be done. I do not take this as lightly as you may seem to think that I do. Where I have paved the way, you will go. Now, do you trust Me, Abraham?"
"Yes, Lord. I trust You."
For those of us who know that story, knows that Abraham went to the mountain to sacrafice Issac. And, in God's very own deliberate Way, a ram was provided at the LAST SECOND. Abraham had the knife raised to pierce his beloved son's heart when the bleating of a ram caught in the thorn bushes stopped him.
Abraham walked by faith. He questioned, but he still walked in his faith in God.
Walking by faith means not seeing where we are going. If we saw where we were going, we aren't walking by faith, are we? It is so easy to be afraid of the unknown. Especially where our lives are concerned.
Peter stepped out of the boat and walked on the water in the middle of a storm as he walked towards Jesus. There were waves all around him. Talk about faith! To step out of a boat to walk on the water! Peter didn't think about it...until he saw the waves.
We find this in Matthew 14:28 - 31
And Peter answered him and said, "Lord, if it be thou, bid me come unto thee on the water."
And he said, "Come."
And when Peter was come down out of the ship, he walked on the water, to go to Jesus. But when he saw the wind boisterous, he was afraid; and beginning to sink, he cried, saying, "Lord, save me."
And immediately Jesus stretched forth his hand, and caught him, and said unto him, "O thou of little faith, wherefore didst thou doubt?"
Often, we let the storm waves of life overtake us as we walk in faith. I know I have. And, just like Jesus did for Peter, He reaches out and helps me, while gently scolding me.
Peter stepped out, in faith, to reach Jesus and then allowed the waves to overtake him. What lesson can we learn from this? Why is this passage in the bible? Not many of us will actually walk on water, in the middle of a storm, but we will be in our own personal storm and have to walk on "water" to reach Christ. We will have to walk in faith, like Peter. We will have to sacrafice something special and precious to us, like Abraham.
And, like Abraham and Peter, are we willing? And which one will we be most like?
17 May 2010
I Will Walk By Faith
I wanted to post this song, even though I'm not sure how to post a video. I'm learning this blogspot postings and I'll get it down sooner or later.
This song was written by Jeremy Camp and it applies to my life at this moment. It is the unknown that we are afraid of, but sometimes we need not be. We can not walk by faith if we see it. Faith is following God, even unto the unknown.
If you can find this song, I highly recommend you listen. The story behind it is powerful and you get a glimpse into what Jeremy was going thru after he wrote the song. The words are simple and so powerful.
"WALK BY FAITH"
Will I believe you when you say
Your hand will guide my every way
Will I receive the words You say
Every moment of every day
Well I will walk by faith
Even when I cannot see
because this broken road
Prepares Your will for me
Help me to RID my endless fears
You've been so faithful for all my years
With the one breath You make me new
Your grace covers all I do
yeah, yeah , yeah, yeah, ya
well i will walk by faith
even when i cannot see
because this broken road
prepares your will for me
Well I'm broken- but I still see Your face
Well You've spoken- pouring Your words of grace
Well I will walk by faith
Even when I cannot see
Well because this broken road
Prepares Your will for me
(Repeat)
Well I will walk by faith
Even when I cannot see
Well because this broken road
Prepares Your will for me
Hallelujah, hallelu
I will walk by faith, I will walk by faith,
I will walk by faith
I will walk by faith, I will walk by faith,
I will walk by faith
I will walk by faith, I will walk by faith,
I will walk by faith
I will walk by faith
I will walk,I will walk
Faith
I will walk, I will walk by faith
This song was written by Jeremy Camp and it applies to my life at this moment. It is the unknown that we are afraid of, but sometimes we need not be. We can not walk by faith if we see it. Faith is following God, even unto the unknown.
If you can find this song, I highly recommend you listen. The story behind it is powerful and you get a glimpse into what Jeremy was going thru after he wrote the song. The words are simple and so powerful.
"WALK BY FAITH"
Will I believe you when you say
Your hand will guide my every way
Will I receive the words You say
Every moment of every day
Well I will walk by faith
Even when I cannot see
because this broken road
Prepares Your will for me
Help me to RID my endless fears
You've been so faithful for all my years
With the one breath You make me new
Your grace covers all I do
yeah, yeah , yeah, yeah, ya
well i will walk by faith
even when i cannot see
because this broken road
prepares your will for me
Well I'm broken- but I still see Your face
Well You've spoken- pouring Your words of grace
Well I will walk by faith
Even when I cannot see
Well because this broken road
Prepares Your will for me
(Repeat)
Well I will walk by faith
Even when I cannot see
Well because this broken road
Prepares Your will for me
Hallelujah, hallelu
I will walk by faith, I will walk by faith,
I will walk by faith
I will walk by faith, I will walk by faith,
I will walk by faith
I will walk by faith, I will walk by faith,
I will walk by faith
I will walk by faith
I will walk,I will walk
Faith
I will walk, I will walk by faith
16 May 2010
God and the Flat Tire
So, I head out to my church's parking lot after our town meeting, only to be greeted with "We've been looking for you." I didn't know, at first, that they were talking to me until they mentioned my flat tire. Needless to say, I was upset. I threw my keys and purse in the car and went "Of course."
I may have sounded frustrated and I was. See, I had JUST changed a flat tire on Thursday. While that one was able to be fixed and under warranty, I found out the one that went flat today wasn't! So, I'm in tears while I'm on the phone with my mom explaining everything.
Being unemployed and knowing my mom is helping me pay bills is starting to take a toll on me. This was not something I needed.
It's nothing neither she nor I can afford at this point. She's calm and I'm fallling apart.
On my drive home from Firestone, I'm crying and I scream at God "Why, Lord, why?"
It's not because I'm angry at Him, but He's the only One who has any sort of answers. When I asked my mom "Why?", I knew she wouldn't have the answer and she knew it, but I had to ask.
What transpired would not have been a big deal if a) I was employed and b) I had money for it. A tire isn't cheap. The cheapest, I assume, would be at least $100. That may be cheap, but I've not bought tires for a long time.
When I got home, I sat in my chair and prayed. I wasn't mad at God. I wanted answers.
I then got thinking that a lot of times we blame God for where we are at. Where I'm at isn't God's fault. It's mostly mine. I know that He has allowed certain things in my life to happen. He certainly isn't to blame for a flat tire. The stupid nail was.
But, when things go wrong, we can't and won't look to ourselves first. We look for someone else to blame for our circumstances and a lot of the times, we blame God. After all, He is the Almighty Creator, right? If He loves us the way He says He does, why does He allow us to suffer the way we do?
He doesn't. Remember, in Job, Satan approaches God, asking Him if Job loved and feared God because of the blessings God bestowed upon him? God gives Satan permission to test Job, with the condition that he not lay a hand on him, which Satan agrees to. As you read the book of Job, you find that Job was tested beyond anything anyone of us could ever imagine. He lost EVERYTHING. He lost his sons and daughters. Everything.
Grwoing up in the church, we are often taught about the "patience of Job", which in all honesty, didn't happen until the end of the book. He questioned God, wondering what it was that he did to deserve all that happened.
In Job 3, he states "Let the day perish wherein I was born and the in which it was said 'There is a man child conceived. Let that day be darkness; let not God regard it from above, neithr let the light shine upon it." And Job goes on to curse the day he was born.
Isn't that what we do when we are tested? Curse our birth? Do we not ask why we born and wouldn't things be better if we weren't? I know I have. I have questioned my very life and my very existance. But, God assures us that He knows the plans He has for us. We are reminded in Proverbs 20:24 that "Man's goings are of the Lord; how can a man understand his own way?"
Okay. That doesn't make sense, right? Are we the lords and lordettes of our own destiny? Do we not decide?
Of course we do, but yet we don't. We make choices that affect our lives. We don't understand that, even though we make choices that God wouldn't make for us, He is the one that is really in charge of our destiny.
I know that's not sounding like a selling point on God, but here's the thing: even in the choices we make, God can take and make them into something beautiful that glorifies Him and in glorifying Him, we begin to feel like our lives mean something.
Believe me. I've been in the fire long enough to know that God must have something beautiful planned. If not, then why did I go thru all I have? I realize what I've gone thru pales in comparison to what others have gone thru, but in the Eyes of the Lord, it is all the same. He is forming me into someone beautiful.
And, if I can reach others for Him because of what I've gone thru, will it not all be worth it? What if He is allowing me to go thru what I'm going thru, due to choices and circumstances, to plant the seeds of the gospel in another's life?
So, next time something goes wrong in your life, don't blame God. Ask Him for the answer. Just be prepared. The answer may not always be what you want to hear. Just be cautious of the questions you ask.
And understand that God doesn't answer quickly. He takes His time. And sometimes, He uses others to give His answers. Just keep your ears open, as well as your heart. God promises us that He will prevail, even in our darkest days. And in spite of the choices we made.
Funny how a flat tire gives one insight to God's goodness and love.
I may have sounded frustrated and I was. See, I had JUST changed a flat tire on Thursday. While that one was able to be fixed and under warranty, I found out the one that went flat today wasn't! So, I'm in tears while I'm on the phone with my mom explaining everything.
Being unemployed and knowing my mom is helping me pay bills is starting to take a toll on me. This was not something I needed.
It's nothing neither she nor I can afford at this point. She's calm and I'm fallling apart.
On my drive home from Firestone, I'm crying and I scream at God "Why, Lord, why?"
It's not because I'm angry at Him, but He's the only One who has any sort of answers. When I asked my mom "Why?", I knew she wouldn't have the answer and she knew it, but I had to ask.
What transpired would not have been a big deal if a) I was employed and b) I had money for it. A tire isn't cheap. The cheapest, I assume, would be at least $100. That may be cheap, but I've not bought tires for a long time.
When I got home, I sat in my chair and prayed. I wasn't mad at God. I wanted answers.
I then got thinking that a lot of times we blame God for where we are at. Where I'm at isn't God's fault. It's mostly mine. I know that He has allowed certain things in my life to happen. He certainly isn't to blame for a flat tire. The stupid nail was.
But, when things go wrong, we can't and won't look to ourselves first. We look for someone else to blame for our circumstances and a lot of the times, we blame God. After all, He is the Almighty Creator, right? If He loves us the way He says He does, why does He allow us to suffer the way we do?
He doesn't. Remember, in Job, Satan approaches God, asking Him if Job loved and feared God because of the blessings God bestowed upon him? God gives Satan permission to test Job, with the condition that he not lay a hand on him, which Satan agrees to. As you read the book of Job, you find that Job was tested beyond anything anyone of us could ever imagine. He lost EVERYTHING. He lost his sons and daughters. Everything.
Grwoing up in the church, we are often taught about the "patience of Job", which in all honesty, didn't happen until the end of the book. He questioned God, wondering what it was that he did to deserve all that happened.
In Job 3, he states "Let the day perish wherein I was born and the in which it was said 'There is a man child conceived. Let that day be darkness; let not God regard it from above, neithr let the light shine upon it." And Job goes on to curse the day he was born.
Isn't that what we do when we are tested? Curse our birth? Do we not ask why we born and wouldn't things be better if we weren't? I know I have. I have questioned my very life and my very existance. But, God assures us that He knows the plans He has for us. We are reminded in Proverbs 20:24 that "Man's goings are of the Lord; how can a man understand his own way?"
Okay. That doesn't make sense, right? Are we the lords and lordettes of our own destiny? Do we not decide?
Of course we do, but yet we don't. We make choices that affect our lives. We don't understand that, even though we make choices that God wouldn't make for us, He is the one that is really in charge of our destiny.
I know that's not sounding like a selling point on God, but here's the thing: even in the choices we make, God can take and make them into something beautiful that glorifies Him and in glorifying Him, we begin to feel like our lives mean something.
Believe me. I've been in the fire long enough to know that God must have something beautiful planned. If not, then why did I go thru all I have? I realize what I've gone thru pales in comparison to what others have gone thru, but in the Eyes of the Lord, it is all the same. He is forming me into someone beautiful.
And, if I can reach others for Him because of what I've gone thru, will it not all be worth it? What if He is allowing me to go thru what I'm going thru, due to choices and circumstances, to plant the seeds of the gospel in another's life?
So, next time something goes wrong in your life, don't blame God. Ask Him for the answer. Just be prepared. The answer may not always be what you want to hear. Just be cautious of the questions you ask.
And understand that God doesn't answer quickly. He takes His time. And sometimes, He uses others to give His answers. Just keep your ears open, as well as your heart. God promises us that He will prevail, even in our darkest days. And in spite of the choices we made.
Funny how a flat tire gives one insight to God's goodness and love.
The voice of deceit and the Voice of Truth
I'm currently listening to MercyMe's FINALLY HOME, which is counted among my favorite songs.
But, it got me thinking. When I think, it's never a good thing. I usually wind up self-analyzing and come to hate myself and wonder whatever people see in me that is good and worth loving, which makes me think even harder.
I'm struggling with a lot of things at the moment. Regardless of whether I am solely to blame for my situation or not, I have all these voices yelling at me. These voices are telling me what a failure I am and how unworthy I am to be loved by anyone, much less God, the Creator of life. "How can He love you when you're such a disappointment to Him? Look where He's put you. You think that He did this because He loves you? No. He did it because you're not good enough. Nothing you ever do will be good enough to please God."
I'll be honest. Sometimes I listen and I begin to cry and wonder why God is doing this. The truth is that I'm responsible for 98% of where I am, but when that voice begins to tell me that God put me here, I believe it.
I've cried and told God that I don't understand; that I feel like nothing I do is ever right or good enough. I've been in the fire too long. When people are trapped in a fire with out a way to get out, they lay down and give up, letting the fire take them.
I'm there. I'm ready to lay down and give up. My whole life I've been in the fire and I'm scared I'll never get out. I have felt like God has abandoned me and is letting me burn alive.
But, as I listen to my playlist full of songs that praise Him and remind me of His Love and Mercy, I hear a much softer, yet more powerful voice saying "I need you to give up. To give YOU up and let ME in. I can not work in you if you are fighting. You are MY child and I have not given up on you. You are good enough for me. I created you. I need you to surrender to the fire so that I can properly form you for what you are going to do for me. I am in the fire with you. Look. When you are down, look up! I am here and I will NEVER forsake you. I hold you firmly in the Palm of MY Hand. You are not a failure. You are a success. All you need is Me and I'll take care of you. Trust me."
And suddenly, I realize what a fool I was to believe the voice of deceit and I make a concerted effort to listen to the Voice of Truth. While I am afraid to lay down and let the fire consume me, I will. I know that I will rise up, like the phoenix, a better person, on fire for God and maybe what I've gone thru and how He's worked in me...the consumate failure...may help someone else who may be going thru something similar.
Maybe that's my mission field.
"Also I heard the voice of the Lord, saying, Whom shall I send, and who will go for us? Then said I, Here am I; send me." Isaiah 6:8
Here am I! SEND ME! SEND ME! Just prepare me! :)
But, it got me thinking. When I think, it's never a good thing. I usually wind up self-analyzing and come to hate myself and wonder whatever people see in me that is good and worth loving, which makes me think even harder.
I'm struggling with a lot of things at the moment. Regardless of whether I am solely to blame for my situation or not, I have all these voices yelling at me. These voices are telling me what a failure I am and how unworthy I am to be loved by anyone, much less God, the Creator of life. "How can He love you when you're such a disappointment to Him? Look where He's put you. You think that He did this because He loves you? No. He did it because you're not good enough. Nothing you ever do will be good enough to please God."
I'll be honest. Sometimes I listen and I begin to cry and wonder why God is doing this. The truth is that I'm responsible for 98% of where I am, but when that voice begins to tell me that God put me here, I believe it.
I've cried and told God that I don't understand; that I feel like nothing I do is ever right or good enough. I've been in the fire too long. When people are trapped in a fire with out a way to get out, they lay down and give up, letting the fire take them.
I'm there. I'm ready to lay down and give up. My whole life I've been in the fire and I'm scared I'll never get out. I have felt like God has abandoned me and is letting me burn alive.
But, as I listen to my playlist full of songs that praise Him and remind me of His Love and Mercy, I hear a much softer, yet more powerful voice saying "I need you to give up. To give YOU up and let ME in. I can not work in you if you are fighting. You are MY child and I have not given up on you. You are good enough for me. I created you. I need you to surrender to the fire so that I can properly form you for what you are going to do for me. I am in the fire with you. Look. When you are down, look up! I am here and I will NEVER forsake you. I hold you firmly in the Palm of MY Hand. You are not a failure. You are a success. All you need is Me and I'll take care of you. Trust me."
And suddenly, I realize what a fool I was to believe the voice of deceit and I make a concerted effort to listen to the Voice of Truth. While I am afraid to lay down and let the fire consume me, I will. I know that I will rise up, like the phoenix, a better person, on fire for God and maybe what I've gone thru and how He's worked in me...the consumate failure...may help someone else who may be going thru something similar.
Maybe that's my mission field.
"Also I heard the voice of the Lord, saying, Whom shall I send, and who will go for us? Then said I, Here am I; send me." Isaiah 6:8
Here am I! SEND ME! SEND ME! Just prepare me! :)
04 May 2010
Life Is Like A Vet's Office
Okay...so you may be wondering about the title. Let me explain.
Yesterday, I had to take my oldest cat to the vet and she, obviously, was scared and nervous. She howled all the way to the way to the vet's. (Now I know why God hasn't given me kids. I laughed at her all the way, imitating her howl. *Slaps hand* Bad cat mommy. BAD cat mommy.)
Once we arrived, her howling brought the office cat over the counter and into the cat's only waiting area. (I have an awesome vet who separates cats and dogs. Different entrances and exits. Makes it less stressful for the cats and, I assume, the dogs.) I held my cat, Aurora, on my lap, refusing to let her down because if I had, the other cat would have more than likely attacked her.
Since my cats are strictly indoor cats, I had them declawed in the front paws only. Which, in a very selfish way, is easier since I'm their favorite scratching post.
The office cat is an indoor/outdoor cat, so he obviously had claws. I wanted nothing more than to protect my Queen Aurora. She's 13 years old and she is most definately my cat. I knew that she wanted to get down and explore the room and was not understanding (since I'm not fluent in cat and didn't know how to properly tell her) why I wasn't letting her down. I kept telling her that I didn't want her to get hurt. Neither one of us knew that cat and I was sure that he'd attack my precious baby.
Aurora squirmed and howled and tried to get off my lap. After literally three minutes (the front office lady was busy for a minute), the receptionist took the office cat back into the front office cubicle, allowing me to let my Queen to explore the waiting room. I watched her carefully, making sure that she was not going to get hurt or stuck where she shouldn't be, telling her not to go here or there, her howling in protest.
In the exam room, Aurora continued to howl and explore. Again, I watched carefully to make sure she wouldn't get hurt, but giving her the freedom to explore.
I picked her up, allowing the vet tech to take her temperature and weight. She lay down on the table, quiet and still in my arms. Her ears were perked and her eyes wide as she tried to make sense of the noises and sights. Her little pink nose sniffed smells I couldn't detect. Every once in a while, she'd look up to me and quietly meow. She would butt her head against my chin, as though she wanted to make sure I was still there.
I hushed her, reminding her that I was there and that as long as my arms were around her, she was safe. That answer satisfied her. She was still and quiet in my arms, though she was aware of her surroundings.
Softly and quietly, I heard a voice tell me "As long as you're in My Arms, you're safe. I will protect you from that which you are afraid of as long as you stay in My Arms."
I looked down at my cat and realized that my Christian walk was like a trip to the vet's office. I'm scared, howling all the way to where God is taking me and once we get there, I want to explore, but God, knowing what's best, won't let me off His Lap because there is another "cat" that will attack me. Even though I don't understand why God won't let me down and I squirm and howl, but He holds me tightly, trying to explain that if I were to be let down, this other "cat" would attack me and no one attacks His precious child. Once that "cat" is gone, He lets me down and lets me explore under His protective and loving eye.
And as we wait for the "vet", once again, under God's loving and protective eye, He lets me explore, reprimanding me if I was about to go somewhere I didn't belong. As He picks me up and places me on the table for my "exam", He constantly reminds me that as long as I'm in His Arms, I was safe. I look up every so often to make sure God's still there and, much like Aurora, am relieved to see that He is.
Yes. As odd as it is, life really is like a trip to the vet's office.
Yesterday, I had to take my oldest cat to the vet and she, obviously, was scared and nervous. She howled all the way to the way to the vet's. (Now I know why God hasn't given me kids. I laughed at her all the way, imitating her howl. *Slaps hand* Bad cat mommy. BAD cat mommy.)
Once we arrived, her howling brought the office cat over the counter and into the cat's only waiting area. (I have an awesome vet who separates cats and dogs. Different entrances and exits. Makes it less stressful for the cats and, I assume, the dogs.) I held my cat, Aurora, on my lap, refusing to let her down because if I had, the other cat would have more than likely attacked her.
Since my cats are strictly indoor cats, I had them declawed in the front paws only. Which, in a very selfish way, is easier since I'm their favorite scratching post.
The office cat is an indoor/outdoor cat, so he obviously had claws. I wanted nothing more than to protect my Queen Aurora. She's 13 years old and she is most definately my cat. I knew that she wanted to get down and explore the room and was not understanding (since I'm not fluent in cat and didn't know how to properly tell her) why I wasn't letting her down. I kept telling her that I didn't want her to get hurt. Neither one of us knew that cat and I was sure that he'd attack my precious baby.
Aurora squirmed and howled and tried to get off my lap. After literally three minutes (the front office lady was busy for a minute), the receptionist took the office cat back into the front office cubicle, allowing me to let my Queen to explore the waiting room. I watched her carefully, making sure that she was not going to get hurt or stuck where she shouldn't be, telling her not to go here or there, her howling in protest.
In the exam room, Aurora continued to howl and explore. Again, I watched carefully to make sure she wouldn't get hurt, but giving her the freedom to explore.
I picked her up, allowing the vet tech to take her temperature and weight. She lay down on the table, quiet and still in my arms. Her ears were perked and her eyes wide as she tried to make sense of the noises and sights. Her little pink nose sniffed smells I couldn't detect. Every once in a while, she'd look up to me and quietly meow. She would butt her head against my chin, as though she wanted to make sure I was still there.
I hushed her, reminding her that I was there and that as long as my arms were around her, she was safe. That answer satisfied her. She was still and quiet in my arms, though she was aware of her surroundings.
Softly and quietly, I heard a voice tell me "As long as you're in My Arms, you're safe. I will protect you from that which you are afraid of as long as you stay in My Arms."
I looked down at my cat and realized that my Christian walk was like a trip to the vet's office. I'm scared, howling all the way to where God is taking me and once we get there, I want to explore, but God, knowing what's best, won't let me off His Lap because there is another "cat" that will attack me. Even though I don't understand why God won't let me down and I squirm and howl, but He holds me tightly, trying to explain that if I were to be let down, this other "cat" would attack me and no one attacks His precious child. Once that "cat" is gone, He lets me down and lets me explore under His protective and loving eye.
And as we wait for the "vet", once again, under God's loving and protective eye, He lets me explore, reprimanding me if I was about to go somewhere I didn't belong. As He picks me up and places me on the table for my "exam", He constantly reminds me that as long as I'm in His Arms, I was safe. I look up every so often to make sure God's still there and, much like Aurora, am relieved to see that He is.
Yes. As odd as it is, life really is like a trip to the vet's office.
03 May 2010
First Blog - Stryper and the Gospel
I have a couple other blogs, but one has been neglected and the other...well, it's not been well taken care of either. I've never been one to keep up with my journals. If you look thru the annals of my life, you'll see many journals started, but never really finished. Could be because my mind works in a way that is unusual or because of moving a lot as a child that so many journals got misplaced or I forgot to unpack.
Using the internet as a journal is, in my mind, still a new and unusual idea that I love. No more tired fingers or inability to read what I wrote...since my writing tends to follow along the line with my mood. The smaller the writing...the more content I am. The bigger the writing...the more angry I am. Anything in between...that could be so many different moods.
But, I am determined to use this blog for something different. Maybe try to "start anew" so to speak.
Starting now.
Hopefully, what I see in my mind will come out in this entry...in this journal.
At church, we finished up the series "Reimaging Evangilism" yesterday. It got me thinking. There were four guys in the 80s that reimagined evangalism long before Rick Richardson wrote the book.
Heavy metal was prominent in the late 70s and 80s. Groups like Led Zepplin, Aerosmith, Def Leppard, Black Sabbath, AC/DC, and Judas Priest were rocking the radios. For the most part, I enjoyed their music. Def Leppard, by far, was my favorite.
But, as we sat in our small groups, discussing how to reach out to people who may not want to hear the gospel or don't want to hear the gospel as it is usually presented. Somehow, we got on the subject of music and how it played into evangilism...the whole idea of if it's presented in a different way, people will listen.
Rick Richardson wrote a good book on reimagining how to witness to others, but he was not the first person to think of that idea.
How, you ask, does heavy metal music and evangilism play in to each other?
Remember...I did mention the 1980s...when Stryper was in their prime (so to speak).
These four California dudes felt the Lord guide them to not only do what they loved (music. I'm assuming that they loved metal more than any other music) but let God direct them down the path. Long before Rick Richardson wrote a book, asking us to reimagine evanglism, Stryper was already reimagining it.
During the 1980s, Stryper was big in the world of main stream heavy metal. They were played on main stream radio. Few, if any, so called "Christian stations" would play their music. They were always in the Top 10 videos on MTV (Back when MTV ACTUALLY PLAYED videos). They were a metal machine unto themselves. They constantly sold out tours and heavy metal enthusiasts were excited when a new Stryper record was released.
People who listened to AC/DC also listened to Stryper (Okay...may not all...I'm sure there were a few who didn't). Kids at school, kids who didn't go to church and whose parents didn't go either, were excited about the new release...the new poster...the new shirt.
They had their critics. Most Christians didn't understand. They would say that they were using God for a profit.
God blessed Michael, Robert, Tim, and Oz because they followed His Heart and His Lead.
There were stories about groupies who went to the hotel, with intentions of seducing the four good looking heavy metal singers, and were instead presented with the gospel, and Stryper's own personal testimonies.
They threw bibles into the crowd at concerts (they understood they had fans who were not Christian) in order to get God's word out there (Note to Robert Sweet: You nearly took my head off at one concert. It wasn't like I was in the front row. I was in "nose-bleed" section, three or four rows from the back. You may have missed a calling to be a major league pitcher. Strong arm!)
Yes, Stryper had long hair and wore make up. They wore clothes that were definately heavy metal (tight pants, ripped jeans, etc...)
But, they reimagined evanglism (I'm going to hit this point a lot) by looking like a real heavy metal group. If you haven't heard any Stryper song, go to Youtube and look them up. They were real heavy metal. Michael Sweet, the lead singer of the group, had vocals that went on for days and he could hit some ungodly notes.
When the four of them finally get to go home to the Lord, they will (I imagine) be sent into a "room" where they will be surrounded by people. They will hit their knees and cry when they realize that the thousands, if not millions, of people standing around them are there because of them; because Michael, Tim, Robert, and Oz listened to the call of God and, despite the obstacles they faced, followed.
And, I will be among those standing in that room.
Using the internet as a journal is, in my mind, still a new and unusual idea that I love. No more tired fingers or inability to read what I wrote...since my writing tends to follow along the line with my mood. The smaller the writing...the more content I am. The bigger the writing...the more angry I am. Anything in between...that could be so many different moods.
But, I am determined to use this blog for something different. Maybe try to "start anew" so to speak.
Starting now.
Hopefully, what I see in my mind will come out in this entry...in this journal.
At church, we finished up the series "Reimaging Evangilism" yesterday. It got me thinking. There were four guys in the 80s that reimagined evangalism long before Rick Richardson wrote the book.
Heavy metal was prominent in the late 70s and 80s. Groups like Led Zepplin, Aerosmith, Def Leppard, Black Sabbath, AC/DC, and Judas Priest were rocking the radios. For the most part, I enjoyed their music. Def Leppard, by far, was my favorite.
But, as we sat in our small groups, discussing how to reach out to people who may not want to hear the gospel or don't want to hear the gospel as it is usually presented. Somehow, we got on the subject of music and how it played into evangilism...the whole idea of if it's presented in a different way, people will listen.
Rick Richardson wrote a good book on reimagining how to witness to others, but he was not the first person to think of that idea.
How, you ask, does heavy metal music and evangilism play in to each other?
Remember...I did mention the 1980s...when Stryper was in their prime (so to speak).
These four California dudes felt the Lord guide them to not only do what they loved (music. I'm assuming that they loved metal more than any other music) but let God direct them down the path. Long before Rick Richardson wrote a book, asking us to reimagine evanglism, Stryper was already reimagining it.
During the 1980s, Stryper was big in the world of main stream heavy metal. They were played on main stream radio. Few, if any, so called "Christian stations" would play their music. They were always in the Top 10 videos on MTV (Back when MTV ACTUALLY PLAYED videos). They were a metal machine unto themselves. They constantly sold out tours and heavy metal enthusiasts were excited when a new Stryper record was released.
People who listened to AC/DC also listened to Stryper (Okay...may not all...I'm sure there were a few who didn't). Kids at school, kids who didn't go to church and whose parents didn't go either, were excited about the new release...the new poster...the new shirt.
They had their critics. Most Christians didn't understand. They would say that they were using God for a profit.
God blessed Michael, Robert, Tim, and Oz because they followed His Heart and His Lead.
There were stories about groupies who went to the hotel, with intentions of seducing the four good looking heavy metal singers, and were instead presented with the gospel, and Stryper's own personal testimonies.
They threw bibles into the crowd at concerts (they understood they had fans who were not Christian) in order to get God's word out there (Note to Robert Sweet: You nearly took my head off at one concert. It wasn't like I was in the front row. I was in "nose-bleed" section, three or four rows from the back. You may have missed a calling to be a major league pitcher. Strong arm!)
Yes, Stryper had long hair and wore make up. They wore clothes that were definately heavy metal (tight pants, ripped jeans, etc...)
But, they reimagined evanglism (I'm going to hit this point a lot) by looking like a real heavy metal group. If you haven't heard any Stryper song, go to Youtube and look them up. They were real heavy metal. Michael Sweet, the lead singer of the group, had vocals that went on for days and he could hit some ungodly notes.
When the four of them finally get to go home to the Lord, they will (I imagine) be sent into a "room" where they will be surrounded by people. They will hit their knees and cry when they realize that the thousands, if not millions, of people standing around them are there because of them; because Michael, Tim, Robert, and Oz listened to the call of God and, despite the obstacles they faced, followed.
And, I will be among those standing in that room.
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