Don't Forget Us!

I'm one of the "forgotten" in the church. I know it's hard to imagine anyone be a "forgotten" person in the church is a hard concept for most of us to grasp. But, unfortunately, it's true. In our 2 for 1 society, including the church, those of us that are just 1 tend to be pushed aside. It's not always intentional. Sometimes, people don't realize that they're doing that.

I know that I may be sounding sensitive, but trust me, I'm not, even though it is a bit of a sticky subject.

I tried several years ago to get a Singles Ministry started in our church. There was NO age limit, yet there weren't a lot of people over the age of 35. And it was pretty much just women. Oh, and one man.

Not complaining. At least they showed up.

But, as I contemplated possibly trying to start it again, I keep coming back to the idea that people think that a Singles Ministry is about finding your life partner; your husband or your wife. No one really thinks of the ministry part of it.

There are voids in a single's life that are hard to fill. I crawl into a cold bed every night, cuddling only with my cats at my feet. I come home to an empty home, filled only with the intermittent meows of my cats. I talk to my walls since I really have no one else to talk to when I need to cry or talk or to figure something out.

There is a need there in my life; imagine what needs are there in others lives.

A Singles Ministry should focus on the ministry part and not on the "find your partner" part. If it happens that someone finds love in a Singles Ministry, then God was working to bring them together, as long as they are both seeking Him and His Heart.

But, it's not a "meat market". It's where I should be able to go to talk about being single and how God is moving in my life that someone who's married may not understand. A Singles Ministry should be a place where it's OK for someone to be single.

I was a part of one where the original leaders were mid to late thirties and they had only been married a year. It gave me hope that, as long as I follow God and seek Him, if there is someone for me, I'll find him, as long as he's a Godly man.

This couple was called to be missionaries in England for 3 years. Of course, they went. They felt the call there. But, in their stead, a couple who had been married since she was 18 and he was 21. How could they understand what I was feeling?

There are feelings that a single person in their mid to late thirties feels that someone who hasn't walked on that road won't understand.

There are times that, as I approach 40, I question God and if He ever intended for me to find love. I even began to believe the lies that I am unloveable. How can someone married for over 30 years possibly begin to understand that there are those questions?

Some people cope with their single life very well and I am envious of those people. They may have had their questions or they felt from a very early point in life that they were not to be married.

Me? I knew from when I was a little girl, I wanted to be a wife and a mother. It's not happening.

So, what do I do? I blog about it. haha

Seriously, I question God. I put some blame (in fact, 99% of the blame falls on me) on myself and my inability to let people in close and to trust. But, as I find myself opening up to others and to God, the ever elusive Godly man evades me. I even had others ask what's wrong with me.

Is it all really me? Or can any of the blame, of the "what's wrong with..." fall on the men too? Why is it that as I woman, being single is a sin, but for men, being single is being "Godly".

It may not be that way in every church, for every one, but it's been my experience.

I'm sure I'm not the only one.

So, if in your church you come across someone who's single, don't talk to them like they have some sort of disease. They're not going to infect you with some sort of "singleton bug" that makes you suddenly ill or whatever.

They're just single. For whatever reason. Widowed. Divorced. Called to be. Just can't find the love. Feels unworthy of love. Has a career. Has trust issues. Doesn't know how to love. Just doesn't want to be married.

You don't know just by looking at a single person why they're single. Until you get to know them, it may not be wise to ask. You may come across as trying to "fix" their singleness. But, don't judge them because they're not in a marriage like you.

Sometimes, the happiest people are the single people. ;)

Just look around your church. There may be a need for a Singles Ministry that focuses on the Ministry.