So, I head out to my church's parking lot after our town meeting, only to be greeted with "We've been looking for you." I didn't know, at first, that they were talking to me until they mentioned my flat tire. Needless to say, I was upset. I threw my keys and purse in the car and went "Of course."
I may have sounded frustrated and I was. See, I had JUST changed a flat tire on Thursday. While that one was able to be fixed and under warranty, I found out the one that went flat today wasn't! So, I'm in tears while I'm on the phone with my mom explaining everything.
Being unemployed and knowing my mom is helping me pay bills is starting to take a toll on me. This was not something I needed.
It's nothing neither she nor I can afford at this point. She's calm and I'm fallling apart.
On my drive home from Firestone, I'm crying and I scream at God "Why, Lord, why?"
It's not because I'm angry at Him, but He's the only One who has any sort of answers. When I asked my mom "Why?", I knew she wouldn't have the answer and she knew it, but I had to ask.
What transpired would not have been a big deal if a) I was employed and b) I had money for it. A tire isn't cheap. The cheapest, I assume, would be at least $100. That may be cheap, but I've not bought tires for a long time.
When I got home, I sat in my chair and prayed. I wasn't mad at God. I wanted answers.
I then got thinking that a lot of times we blame God for where we are at. Where I'm at isn't God's fault. It's mostly mine. I know that He has allowed certain things in my life to happen. He certainly isn't to blame for a flat tire. The stupid nail was.
But, when things go wrong, we can't and won't look to ourselves first. We look for someone else to blame for our circumstances and a lot of the times, we blame God. After all, He is the Almighty Creator, right? If He loves us the way He says He does, why does He allow us to suffer the way we do?
He doesn't. Remember, in Job, Satan approaches God, asking Him if Job loved and feared God because of the blessings God bestowed upon him? God gives Satan permission to test Job, with the condition that he not lay a hand on him, which Satan agrees to. As you read the book of Job, you find that Job was tested beyond anything anyone of us could ever imagine. He lost EVERYTHING. He lost his sons and daughters. Everything.
Grwoing up in the church, we are often taught about the "patience of Job", which in all honesty, didn't happen until the end of the book. He questioned God, wondering what it was that he did to deserve all that happened.
In Job 3, he states "Let the day perish wherein I was born and the in which it was said 'There is a man child conceived. Let that day be darkness; let not God regard it from above, neithr let the light shine upon it." And Job goes on to curse the day he was born.
Isn't that what we do when we are tested? Curse our birth? Do we not ask why we born and wouldn't things be better if we weren't? I know I have. I have questioned my very life and my very existance. But, God assures us that He knows the plans He has for us. We are reminded in Proverbs 20:24 that "Man's goings are of the Lord; how can a man understand his own way?"
Okay. That doesn't make sense, right? Are we the lords and lordettes of our own destiny? Do we not decide?
Of course we do, but yet we don't. We make choices that affect our lives. We don't understand that, even though we make choices that God wouldn't make for us, He is the one that is really in charge of our destiny.
I know that's not sounding like a selling point on God, but here's the thing: even in the choices we make, God can take and make them into something beautiful that glorifies Him and in glorifying Him, we begin to feel like our lives mean something.
Believe me. I've been in the fire long enough to know that God must have something beautiful planned. If not, then why did I go thru all I have? I realize what I've gone thru pales in comparison to what others have gone thru, but in the Eyes of the Lord, it is all the same. He is forming me into someone beautiful.
And, if I can reach others for Him because of what I've gone thru, will it not all be worth it? What if He is allowing me to go thru what I'm going thru, due to choices and circumstances, to plant the seeds of the gospel in another's life?
So, next time something goes wrong in your life, don't blame God. Ask Him for the answer. Just be prepared. The answer may not always be what you want to hear. Just be cautious of the questions you ask.
And understand that God doesn't answer quickly. He takes His time. And sometimes, He uses others to give His answers. Just keep your ears open, as well as your heart. God promises us that He will prevail, even in our darkest days. And in spite of the choices we made.
Funny how a flat tire gives one insight to God's goodness and love.
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