The voice of deceit and the Voice of Truth

I'm currently listening to MercyMe's FINALLY HOME, which is counted among my favorite songs.

But, it got me thinking. When I think, it's never a good thing. I usually wind up self-analyzing and come to hate myself and wonder whatever people see in me that is good and worth loving, which makes me think even harder.

I'm struggling with a lot of things at the moment. Regardless of whether I am solely to blame for my situation or not, I have all these voices yelling at me. These voices are telling me what a failure I am and how unworthy I am to be loved by anyone, much less God, the Creator of life. "How can He love you when you're such a disappointment to Him? Look where He's put you. You think that He did this because He loves you? No. He did it because you're not good enough. Nothing you ever do will be good enough to please God."

I'll be honest. Sometimes I listen and I begin to cry and wonder why God is doing this. The truth is that I'm responsible for 98% of where I am, but when that voice begins to tell me that God put me here, I believe it.

I've cried and told God that I don't understand; that I feel like nothing I do is ever right or good enough. I've been in the fire too long. When people are trapped in a fire with out a way to get out, they lay down and give up, letting the fire take them.

I'm there. I'm ready to lay down and give up. My whole life I've been in the fire and I'm scared I'll never get out. I have felt like God has abandoned me and is letting me burn alive.

But, as I listen to my playlist full of songs that praise Him and remind me of His Love and Mercy, I hear a much softer, yet more powerful voice saying "I need you to give up. To give YOU up and let ME in. I can not work in you if you are fighting. You are MY child and I have not given up on you. You are good enough for me. I created you. I need you to surrender to the fire so that I can properly form you for what you are going to do for me. I am in the fire with you. Look. When you are down, look up! I am here and I will NEVER forsake you. I hold you firmly in the Palm of MY Hand. You are not a failure. You are a success. All you need is Me and I'll take care of you. Trust me."

And suddenly, I realize what a fool I was to believe the voice of deceit and I make a concerted effort to listen to the Voice of Truth. While I am afraid to lay down and let the fire consume me, I will. I know that I will rise up, like the phoenix, a better person, on fire for God and maybe what I've gone thru and how He's worked in me...the consumate failure...may help someone else who may be going thru something similar.

Maybe that's my mission field.

"Also I heard the voice of the Lord, saying, Whom shall I send, and who will go for us? Then said I, Here am I; send me." Isaiah 6:8

Here am I! SEND ME! SEND ME! Just prepare me! :)